A new experience….

I have fears. Surprise. There are things that make my heart pound and my hands shake. It isn't snakes, spiders, or heights as many people but my fear is losing relationships. When I am afraid…I get a little crazy. I become what some have called "high maintenance". I need reassurance that I am ok or that I will be ok. I become kind of crazy in a way. I push others away, I become illogical and well…kind of insane.

Ok…so now that I have that off my chest…let's look at why maybe this isn't such a bad thing. Why am I afraid? Well, actually it is fairly logical why I am afraid of this. So..logical, not crazy.

Anyway, the point. Who I am is a gift from my Heavenly Father. So, is this a gift? Well, yes. How? Well, my gift has helped me to be more compassionate and accepting of many others who, well, aren't always so "normal" or who struggle with something else in their lives, or who aren't perfect yet.

Another reason? This is hard. When I am afraid, it is as if I have little control and little ability. I can not do it on my own. For this requires me to turn to my Savior, to get on my knees and talk with Him, to ask him to help me, to depend on Him. This strengthens my relationship with Him, because I learn that through it all, He is there.

How can something that brings me to my Savior be a bad thing? It isn't!. Truly. It is a blessing. For it is when we need our Savior that we grow the most and when we discover that we can't do it all alone and allow our Savior to build us…that we become more than we ever could without him.

This struggle for me is a blessing. I mean other than this I am pretty much perfect. Ok not really, but I am very independent, strong, and able. I am not the type of personality to ask others for help. I do it all myself. But this, I can't do myself, and others can't always help me, but my Savior. He is always there. And it is during my hardest times of trial that I kneel down.