Welcome 2010

Welcome 2010!

I think this year is going to be a great one...why you ask? well, It has been a long struggle for me in the past and this year...I actually feel like I am letting go of a few things and now I can set new goals. Have new interests and accomplish things I hadn't been able to accomplish all that well because I have been so consumed emotionally with other things.

This year I begin the year with little baggage. YEA ME!

So...goals.

1. I really need to lose 10 pounds. I know that even though my doctor tells me I am perfect according to his charts and I am by no means overweight...I have issues that affect my life and I want to take care of them. These issues include...bad knees, bad hips, and my overall feeling.

I don't feel that well. My knees hurt often and my hip goes out of place often. The other day I tool my girls to see a movie and after 2 1.2 hours of sitting I struggled to get up and walk. So, ten pounds and a lot of toning is my first goal. I started off with a cleanse and will go from there. I will keep you informed of how I am doing. I would like to be 10 pounds free and tone by my anniversary...February 14th!.

2. Be me! I have spent so much of my life trying so hard to please others...I worked hard to overcome a lot of baggage in my day and now that I feel free of it...I want to just be me. Honestly I think I am a pretty great person. I just fear getting hurt. No more. I want to be me! Wish me luck (oh this is going to include not coloring my hair anymore...that should be interesting but I take courage from Dawn Jones...she is my inspiration..thanks Dawn)

Well that's it. really for now... I mean there are the goals we always have of reading the scriptures everyday...but that isn't a new goal for me...it is an on going one. I will keep it.

Well, Happy New year to all of you. Read on. I have many weaknesses, especially in the losing weight category (cashew nuts, candied almonds, medium rare steak, homemade french fries, oreos, fresh strawberry shakes...Oh the list goes on *I love food) and I don't plan on giving up all of my weaknesses, just being more careful about the serving sizes and how often I consume them.

Stay tuned...

On top of the world....then back to reality

So, here we are...Day 3. It started off with a little bit of resistance. The girls were tired and not sure they wanted to do another hike. But, this hike was so awesome that by the end, they were climbing on top of the arches and wanting to see more. We truly felt at times like we were on top of the world, looking down.

Then we drove home. As I got home, unpacked, and started my normal life again, playing with the neighbor girls I cried. OH how sad I was.

I started to feel a bit sorry for myself. Reality was setting in. I no longer felt, "on top of the world". I felt just down. What a bummer it was and how much I wanted to return to our vacation.

Why? you ask...ok, so maybe you didn't but this is my blog!

Simple. The things I have to face began to overwhelm me. You see, in one week it is Kevin's 8th anniversary. The anniversary of the day I told him good bye, never to see him in this life again. The beginning of a hole in my heart that hurts so much sometimes, I can barely tolerate it. John is leaving in two days. Off to Egypt for an army trip. This began to again overwhelm me and my fears of him leaving me alone surfaced strong again. And then...well....relationships. I began to be more sensitive to every little disappointment and sorrow that seems to surround me in my neighborhood. So...I cried.

And then I realized that things were ok. I mean, of course they hurt sometimes but through the atonement of Christ, all things will be ok. Ok. So...I am climbing myself back to the top of the world. "Forget yourself....and get to work" ---those words of Pres. Hinckley's father are so wise.

Later

MESA VERDE

Today was and incredible day! These ruins are incredible. And it was wonderful to be with my girls. Missed Trevor, but know he is working and studying hard. Enjoy!

Fall Break

Moab 2009

The Slade Family

Summer 2009

You would think that because it is summer and I have no school, I would blog all the more...but to be honest. Blogging is losing it's appeal to me. I mean seriously. For some it is a kind of brag session. "Look how wonderful I am" "look at what i did" etc...etc...etc...
for others it is a gripe session. I way of releiving tension. Expressing emotions..complaining...Looking for support. (probably what this one is). Oh well.

The thing is, this summer has been great. No, I didn't spend each day making crafts and taking pictures and showing them off. No, I didn't go anywhere spectacular, or accomplish anything that seemed all that great. I was just me. Stefanie. I got up early and watched my Husband leave at the same time as always. I was able to spend more time reading than before. I spent wonderful moments with my Daughters, one who is leaving soon for college. many times they were simple times, shopping, sitting outside on the swing, going to plays or movies or lunch. Nothing "worth" a picture. But that is o.k. because one afternoon my daughter said, "I am not sure I want to leave home" HOme...A place of refuge. A place of safety and acceptance.

I spent much of the summer answering knocks on the door to kids who wanted to come "play". I read books, gave "underdoggie" and even had them help me clean one day. They had a ball. I loved it all. Home, My home. A place where I hope all are welcome and all are safe. A place that might not always be the most creative, or fun, but a place where there is love.

So, HOnestly. I do not know how much I will blog in the future, (not really sure anyone reads it anyway). You all, go a head, blog your hearts out. I think it is great, just not so great for me.

If you want to see how it feels in my home...come visit. Our door is always open.