Happy Birthday Kevin

This is a picture of my son's last birthday here on this earth. Nine months to the day after this picture was taken he went to live with his Heavenly Father. A mother's love for a son is eternal and my heart continues to ache for him. I wish I could hold him, talk to him, see him.

If he were still here he would be 16 years of age on the 24th. Sometimes when I miss him I try to close my eyes and picture him as he might be. I never can. All I can ever see is his face at this time of his life.

He was such a sweet boy. I remember one day in first grade it was another student's birthday. That student gave each student in the class a balloon. After school as we were getting in the car a little girl from his class lost her balloon. Kevin looked at me and without saying a word walked over to her and gave her his balloon. That was just who he was...always worried and concerned of how others were feeling.

He was always curious about the world and everything around him. He loved soccer and enjoyed being with his friends. He had the most faith of all of us and during the early fall, only weeks before he passed away, we would take him for walks around the neighborhood. He was too weak to walk himself and so we pushed him in a large stroller (red...he picked out the color). He would look at the mountains and ask if next summer we could do more up in the mountains. He loved the mountains. He would ask if we would please sign him up for spring soccer. Each conversation broke my heart as I promised him things I knew would never be. He died October 24th.

Few can understand the sorrow that occurs when a mother loses a child. In fact I truly do not think you can understand unless you have experienced it. It is an experience I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

Sometimes after his death I would watch a mother yell at her child or ignore them or read an article of children being neglected and think, "why don't they get it...I would give anything for 5 minutes with my son, and those 5 minutes would be all about him"

I learned a lot during his illness. I learned that sometimes housework and projects I might have just don't matter when a child needs you. I have often walked past a load of laundry or a wet paint brush to take care of a child. I also try hard to involve my children (and others...anyone who will loan me one) in what ever I am doing. I often have kids helping me clcean, make things in the kitchen, and such.

I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned by this experience and yet still wish I could see how things might be today with a 16 year old boy again.

Happy Birthday my little Kevin. You are missed.