Thankful for Cognitice Dissonance

"a man cannot serve two masters" 3 Ne 13:24 This is something I have been thinking about lately. Having taught Psychology in High school a couple of times, I relate this to the little knowledge I have there.

Cognitive dissonance = an uncomfortable mental state resulting form conflicting cognitions. A change in attitudes, beliefs, and/ or actions is required to relieve cognitive dissonance. Dissonance can also be reduced by justifying, blaming, adn denying.

I am so grateful for cognitive dissonance. It is a very uncomfortable state to be in for me. But, those feelings of discomfort are telling me, "you are not living as you believe, so either change how you believe, or change how you live"

I watched the movie, "tangled" over the Thanksgiving holiday with my children. In this movie there is a scene where she has left the tower without her "mother's" knowledge. She has so much joy in her experiences and yet so much guilt because she is going against what she was taught. At one point the "prince/thief" says to her, "I can see that you are torn"

I thought...wow! That is so how I have felt so often. Torn. She didn't know what was right and what wasn't. Throughout the movie, she figured things out and followed her heart.

We should all follow our own hearts. But in order to do that, we first must find out for ourselves what we believe. When we experience cognitive dissonance we have the choice to change our beliefs and/or actions to either meet those of the natural man or those of God. But first, again, we must know the truth...we must know for ourselves what is right and we must live that way and never let anyone convince us otherwise.

A bag of rocks...

There once was a story I heard. Of people who place offenses against them into a bag, and although for a time they say that they have forgiven, when a similar offense is made, the rocks return and the new offense becomes just another addition to the pile they have kept. Even if the offense is small compared to past offenses, it seems so much bigger once added to the pile.

I have thought much about this and wondered what that bag of rocks must feel like. Ok, let me explain. When someone hurts you, especially when their behavior continues over and over again. Often those emotions get placed into a bag, figuratively speaking. When that person is seen the weight of the rocks are felt. What does that feel like? Well, to me it feels like an instant knot in your stomach, or a desire to avoid contact, or just a simple look away. The feelings of those "rocks" weigh heavy.

How many of us have rocks that we carry for ourselves. How many of us when we wake up in the morning look at ourselves and feel of our past mistakes, over and over again. I do.

How many of us have rocks that we carry for others? I do.

But, my husband. Nope. I am not sure how he does it. But he never carries rocks. This doesn't mean that he doesn't remember what was done, but his behavior and his treatment of others is never based on what they have done. It is based on who they are, children of God.

I have felt this from him. He has amazed me over and over again. I have struggles. Struggles and behaviors that repeat themselves. Behaviors and struggles that seems like they will never go away. Each time I struggle with the same thing. Each time I behave in a way I have so many times, I feel those rocks of my past weighing heavy on my back. I see myself as that bag of rocks. But my husband. He never does. He sees who I am. He sees who I can be, and he never demonstrates remembrance of my past mistakes. His words to me are often, "I wish you could see you the way I see you" That amazes me.

Can we truly see others as who they are, if we have rocks in a bag that we carry around with us?

Christ knows us. He knows whether or not we will ultimately choose good or evil. He knows what our actions will be and how many times we will make the same mistake over and over again. He also knows are hearts. He knows not only what our actions will be, but what our true natures are. And yet, he continues to accept us. He continues to trust us. To allow us to have experiences after experiences. He continues to accept and love us and never treats us as a bag of past rocks. And he has all the knowledge to judge. WE DO NOT!

I know that I have carried rocks for others. I have some that when I see I am uncomfortable. I have some that when they call or come to visit, it is most difficult for me to let them in again. Why? I have those rocks. Those rocks of judgement. How can we ever claim to have the right to reject someone who comes to us asking for forgiveness and another chance? What gives us that right? Well, no one. We don't have the right. We are not Christ...and we are commanded to not judge.

No one is a better example to me of this then my husband. Never does he remind me that I have done this before. Never does he reject anyone who comes to him. What a blessing I have to have him in my life. A small example of Christ and his love for us.

"forgive them, for they know not what they do" Christ

How did He do it?

I am a hurtful, vindictive person at times. Most of the time I am sweet, kind, thoughtful and loving to those around me. But there are a few people in my life I have tested and tried beyond their ability to withstand. I have heard the words, "I have enough hurt in my life, I do not need yours". It is true. I understand it. I would do the same in their place. I sorrow over the lost or drastically changed relationship, and pray each day I can change for good, finally, and know for sure that I will never hurt anyone again.

I wonder as I ponder. How did Christ do it? How does he continue to do what he does today? Here is a man who came to Earth, the son of God. He was mocked and tried and had many many trials and yet in the midst of these he escaped into the Garden to take on all our pains and sorrows. He, knowing we would be repeating the offenses, and mistakes over and over again. He took them all. Every single one of them. Not only that, he loves us still and His arms are open to receive us. How?

How can He love so deeply that he accepts the sorrow, the stripes and the pain, even through his own. I am amazed that although I have worn out the patience of some around me, I have not yet worn out the love of my Savior. Through all of this, He is there, comforting me, encouraging me, and taking away the sorrows I feel for things I have done. How very much He loves me. How very much He loves all of us.

I pray that as I continue through my life, and I am faced with enough. I remember, and stretch a little more, try to become more like Christ and receive a little more love for those around me.

Pride and the fall thereof....

In the scriptures it seems to me that Pride is the great sin. In Lehi's dream, Pride was the great and spacious building. "and it fell, and the fall thereof was esceedingly great". The Lord continues to speak often on how pride is the center of wickedness. It is the pride of the people that bring them down, that lead them to destruction. It is pride that can destroy our souls. It is pride that must be overcome. God tells us that the "proud shall be as stubble" and "the proud and the lofty shall be brought low"

Now on to fear. I suffer from high anxiety. I fear greatly many things. One thing I fear is the loss of relationships. Mix this with a bit of pride and I have found great lessons for me. Lessons on how I need to watch myself, and take care not to become prideful.

Many years ago, I was very afraid. Afraid of my husband dying. This was such a gripping fear at the time that I felt unable to cope. I did what I thought I should and attended the temple. I found great peace there. while that peace chased away my fear and gave me faith. I discovered years later that I had also opened the door to great pride. I felt that day that I had received a "premonition". I thought I knew exactely what might be one day. I held onto that thought refusing to listen to anything else. I became prideful.

This pride led to other times where I felt for sure I could just know what tomorrow was going to bring. Through many, many years I have been brought low. I am sad that my pride, my foolishness and my pride hurt some people around me. I am sad to report that because I wouldn't accept anything but my own prideful idea, I missed the truth often of what the Lord really meant that day.

Pride is a most difficult thing to over come. It takes a lot of sorrow and humility to overcome being prideful. I guess I want to give a warning to all. Beware of pride. It comes in so many different ways. It disguises itself and if we are not always watching our thoughts and actions, before we know it, we may find ourselves full of pride.

The wonderful part? I have also learned that my Heavenly Father loves me. I am the dust of the earth and yet at the same time...A child of God.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn a little more on how easily pride can enter our hearts. It makes the experiences, however much they hurt, worth it. And now...the rest of the story. Trust in the Lord.

That is amazing to me.

What am I thinking?