On top of the world....then back to reality

So, here we are...Day 3. It started off with a little bit of resistance. The girls were tired and not sure they wanted to do another hike. But, this hike was so awesome that by the end, they were climbing on top of the arches and wanting to see more. We truly felt at times like we were on top of the world, looking down.

Then we drove home. As I got home, unpacked, and started my normal life again, playing with the neighbor girls I cried. OH how sad I was.

I started to feel a bit sorry for myself. Reality was setting in. I no longer felt, "on top of the world". I felt just down. What a bummer it was and how much I wanted to return to our vacation.

Why? you ask...ok, so maybe you didn't but this is my blog!

Simple. The things I have to face began to overwhelm me. You see, in one week it is Kevin's 8th anniversary. The anniversary of the day I told him good bye, never to see him in this life again. The beginning of a hole in my heart that hurts so much sometimes, I can barely tolerate it. John is leaving in two days. Off to Egypt for an army trip. This began to again overwhelm me and my fears of him leaving me alone surfaced strong again. And then...well....relationships. I began to be more sensitive to every little disappointment and sorrow that seems to surround me in my neighborhood. So...I cried.

And then I realized that things were ok. I mean, of course they hurt sometimes but through the atonement of Christ, all things will be ok. Ok. So...I am climbing myself back to the top of the world. "Forget yourself....and get to work" ---those words of Pres. Hinckley's father are so wise.

Later

MESA VERDE

Today was and incredible day! These ruins are incredible. And it was wonderful to be with my girls. Missed Trevor, but know he is working and studying hard. Enjoy!

Fall Break

Moab 2009

The Slade Family

Summer 2009

You would think that because it is summer and I have no school, I would blog all the more...but to be honest. Blogging is losing it's appeal to me. I mean seriously. For some it is a kind of brag session. "Look how wonderful I am" "look at what i did" etc...etc...etc...
for others it is a gripe session. I way of releiving tension. Expressing emotions..complaining...Looking for support. (probably what this one is). Oh well.

The thing is, this summer has been great. No, I didn't spend each day making crafts and taking pictures and showing them off. No, I didn't go anywhere spectacular, or accomplish anything that seemed all that great. I was just me. Stefanie. I got up early and watched my Husband leave at the same time as always. I was able to spend more time reading than before. I spent wonderful moments with my Daughters, one who is leaving soon for college. many times they were simple times, shopping, sitting outside on the swing, going to plays or movies or lunch. Nothing "worth" a picture. But that is o.k. because one afternoon my daughter said, "I am not sure I want to leave home" HOme...A place of refuge. A place of safety and acceptance.

I spent much of the summer answering knocks on the door to kids who wanted to come "play". I read books, gave "underdoggie" and even had them help me clean one day. They had a ball. I loved it all. Home, My home. A place where I hope all are welcome and all are safe. A place that might not always be the most creative, or fun, but a place where there is love.

So, HOnestly. I do not know how much I will blog in the future, (not really sure anyone reads it anyway). You all, go a head, blog your hearts out. I think it is great, just not so great for me.

If you want to see how it feels in my home...come visit. Our door is always open.

Failed permanently?

School is finally out for me. I am glad and yet a bit worried at the same time. I do not always do well when I have time that I have to decide what I am going to do with. I like to have someone or a schedule tell me regularly what I need to do. When it is up to me, I have a tendency to start off great in the morning, but my midday, I am wasting time. What ever that means. I like my life to be run on bells (as in school) it is easier and quite frankly requires little self discipline. I so admire those mothers who stay home and just accomplish one thing after another.

Am I a failure?

I sent an email today to a friend. In response I got the demon telling me that the email was not successfully sent...that it had failed permanently. That got me thinking.

I do not believe in permanent failure. I believe in being weak and having moments of falling...but failure. Who are we failing. Christ? O.k. let's look at this. Christ gave us bodies. Bodies are weak. They need to eat, they have emotions, they get tired, they have desires and drives...oh the list can go on. But let's move forward. Christ gave us these bodies knowing we would not be prefect. He gave us these so that we could learn to depend on Him, everyday. Every single minute of every single day. So, when we fail...we feel like crap...and we can't get up...and so we reach...we reach for the hand of Christ and he lifts us up. He lifts us up and sends us on our way, there the next time we fall. So, falling is a moment when we get to be in a position where we need Christ more than before...and so Christ has what he wants...and we are better for it. Falling isn't failure to Christ...it brings us to Him. That is what He wants.

There is no permanent failure, because failure in and off itself is success...if and when we reach for the Hand of Christ.



Oh I have to say one thing. That bad thing I did...really wasn't bad. So weird. the other party totally over reacted and I believed him when he told me I had done something terrible...But then it really wasn't. He even knows that now...says he was just mad in the moment. I won't give more details because well it just doesn't matter. I did learn to stay calm and check things out before I believe and angry person.

Summer is here! Hope to see you all soon. need lunches and lots of them soon.