Sick and tired...hard not to fall

This week has been tough. I started coughing on Monday night, after a wonderful celebration of my birthday by my family (well -Trevor). Tuesday morning I woke up from a not so great night sleep to drive my husband to the airport at 5a.m. I don't mind this..in fact much of my married life has been me driving my husband to the airport. He is gone a lot. On the way home I found myself driving 25 on the freeway because of very dense fog and coughing uncontrollably. I tried school that day...but only made 1/2 hour before finally deciding to ask for subs and just go home. (I did prep all my classes so the sub had it easy). I slept most of the day, until my daughter got home from school to tell me that the Crandall's had brought treats...Lexi had brought cake and candles while Ari had brought doughnuts. I felt guilty.

This guilt increased a little when I found out that my birthday is the same day as the day the Father of these wonderful girls died. Here they were thinking of me instead of them selves, when quite frankly they had every reason to have their own little pity party. I was grateful for the change in perspective.

The week continued. I just wasn't getting better and everything around me seemed to be falling apart. Teaching was a struggle...my voice was froggy and I often found myself coughing uncontrollably. Each day after teaching it was all I could do to drive home and climb into bed. I didn't grade papers all week and I didn't clean my house at all. Day by day went by and things were really starting to pile up. Each evening as I found myself wrapped in a blanket I found it could be easy for me to begin to feel great pity, which could then lead to great self loafing. This was a time when not only was I not keeping up and doing it all, but I wasn't even doing the bare minimum. It was really hard the evening I watched my two daughters eat cold cereal for dinner.

I seemed further and further from what I wanted to be...

I would usually struggle with this. You see, I came from a family of "no excuses". I am very good at taking full responsibility for all that I do...and sometimes responsibility for what others do. Only pointing the finger at myself...always. This doesn't do well with one's self esteem and it seemed I often struggled with that.

This week was a great experience. I learned to accept my situation. To accept the frustration the illness, the lonliness, and the lack of ability I seemed to temporarily have.

The gospel teaches us to be tolerant of others...sometimes we need to remember that we need to be tolerant of ourselves.

God loves us...just as we are, sick, healthy, productive, or not. Of this I know, of this I am grateful to know.

Now...don't get me wrong. As I get better I will continue to do all I can to be the best I can. but for today...I am o.k. sleeping a little more and letting someone else teach nursery today.

Good day to all.