Keeping it real.

This is not a post of how wonderful I am, or my family, or my kids....although I do believe that...This my real post of the day...Because today, I am feeling, well, not good enough. And that feeling tells me that I am not thinking correctly. But this kind of thinking is a part of my weakness...the Natural Man thing.

I sometimes think (which isn't a correct thought) in this life that sorrow and pain are a sign of weakness...or at least a sign of a complete lack of faith. Because you see those people who have the faith they need would always have an eternal perspective and not worry excessively about the choices their children make, or not allow their hearts to break when a child chooses a wrong path, or when you miss holding your cute little boy in your arms because he was called back to heaven quite a bit earlier than normal, or the guilt over feeling jealous at watching a mother scratch her child's back during church...A child around the age yours should be. The guilt of feeling that at those moments your faith is lacking...for you see, those who have great faith, they just don't worry. They put their trust in God and suggest...so should you. It seems my list of should do's is quite long.

I think that faith is being able to allow yourself to hurt, feel sorrow, worry, and make mistakes. It is a faith that God loves us even though we haven't yet figured out how to handle this "free agency thing" or how to "put off the natural man all of the time". It is a faith to trust that somehow the hurt and sorrow will pass, but faith to allow it to be a part of us. Faith to screw up in front of people who may or may not understand us. Faith to be real. Faith to fall and get back up again, regardless of how we are seen. Faith to cry or admit...hey this is so hard. I can't do it by myself. "please Lord, Please help me today...I am struggling with this weakness again". Please help me accept thy will, the plan of salvation, the choices my children make and please help me accept myself...Please.

I struggle with feeling good enough. I fear man more than God, because I allow other's opinions of me to affect how I act, instead of acting the way I think God wants me too. I worry too much when others decide they don't like to be around me. But this experience...if nothing else, had helped me realize that I don't want anyone to ever feel the way I do...not good enough, a big list of "you should...". I think sometimes I should stand in front of a mirror and tell myself the many things I tell others.

"You are incredible!"
"I love you"
"you are so smart...don't let this mistake convince you otherwise"
"you just struggle in this area, but look how good you are in ___ this area"
"You are working so hard, don't let this one setback discourage you...what you are learning is how to work and that is more important than this fall"
"Success may not be immediate, but it will come to those who keep trying"
"You are beautiful, Beauty is not the makeup you wear or the way your hair is styled...it is who you are on the inside...You are Beautiful"
"You are good enough for me...I admire those who struggle, and keep going. I admire you!"

Ta ta for now...If you need these words...consider them for you...If you want to hear them in person...Give me a call. I will tell you how wonderful you are. It is one of my favorite things to do.