Camera is ordered...but not here

Week three...

Lessons I am learning.

There are different responses that I see in myself. Sometimes when I become aware of something that I could improve...I ignore it. I simply say to myself. This is me. I will not change...take it or leave it. And...I make no effort to improve and continue down the road I am on, staying in my rut.

Other times I become aware of something I could change and take it to heart. so much so that it hurts and I begin to feel so down on myself. My self esteem suffers and I begin a "beat myself up" session. This results in poor feelings and well. Little change.

And then other times...I hear what people say, I think about it, agree if I can see the truth in it, feel sorrow and desire to change and then use those emotions to begin the process of change.

We are here on Earth to learn to become more Christlike. It is obvious that in order to do that we need to learn (learning here is defined as a permanent change in thought and/or behavior). Each of us forms defense mechanisms to protect ourselves and yet more often than not we choose a path which leads us somewhere other than change. Either to pride..."I am good enough...so good that I do not need to change"...Or to the gutters..."I am terrible...I do not deserve the love of others....I will never be good enough"

Finding the ability to set goals...strive to reach those goals without getting discouraged is a great challenge. Accepting who we are and yet accepting that we need to change at times is all a part of that challenge. Understanding and knowing that God loves us just as we are and yet wants us to become all that he knows we can be. All the while fighting Satan who is trying to sneak in and tear us down or build us up so high that we will never change.

So....how did my goals go this week. I worked on them. Some days were better than others...but I am not discouraged. My desire is to become more like Christ and to better serve Him. I know that Christ will love me all the way through the process and will be always reaching out to help in anyway He can.

Week 2

ok.. I wanted to take pictures this week, because I think pictures are definitely worth a thousand words...but my camera seems to be broken. No worries. John says he will get me a new camera for my birthday...That is pretty soon...so, I hope you will look forward to them.

On to my assessment.

This week on my goals.

1. Eating is improving. I am beginning to not even want a lot of sweets and stuff. This week, I made a healthy dinner every night for my family (I know way impressive!). Most evenings we were even able to sit and eat together. I found this a benefit worth the time. Resisting sweets is getting a little easier but I still can't convince my taste buds that they don't need to taste something sweet after each meal.

2. Money. I have made it so far without taking any of the money I put into my mission fund! I have another week, but I think we can wait to get a few things before then. Go me. The events in Haiti have really affected me alot. I watch news footage and my heart aches. I feel humbled and a bit selfish. Here I am worried about not eating too much, whether or not I look good going grey, and so on. And I watch people who have lost a number of members of their family, their homes and who are wishing they had food to feed their children...etc.

My desire to serve the people of the world became stronger and stronger. I want to get out of my comfort zone and help by bringing the Gospel to them. To bring them to the Savior to help them gain an eternal perspective and hope. HOPE. So many of the faces seemed to lack the hope of anything better.

3. Being me. Ok. My favorite one this week, because I have had the most success with it. I have enjoyed being me and enjoyed not really worrying about what others think. It is crazy, but so many times I have wanted more than anything that people would like me, not just like me, but like to be around me.

Anyway, so, I be me. I am fun, crazy, loving, giving, and well fearful, have fairly low self esteem and sarcastic at times. But, I am accepting me and although I am trying to choose the right, I am also trying to do what I think the Lord would have me do, instead of trying to follow all the shoulds and should nots of other people. This week...I heard these words, "You are so easy to love, and you are so easy to be with". ME. Guys, ME. That is cool!

Until next week!

My first week...My goal report

How did my first week go? Not bad...not perfect.

I think it is funny the way at the New Year we plan to change almost completely in a one day. I have decided that change for me is more slow. So my first week wasn't anywhere near where I wanted it to be. I didn't achieve my goals and wasn't everything I wanted to be, but I did well and sometimes was closer than I was before.

The hardest part this week...Oreos. Crazy! I am not sure why they were so hard for me to resist although I think it was simply because they seemed to always be there. When Jennifer is home, Oreos is one of her favorite treats to have around. So everytime her Dad or I went to the store she got Oreos. (Yes, it is because we spoil her) .

So Oreos were in my house. And even when for a day or two there weren't it seems that they were everywhere at school and because my students know I have an Oreo weakness, they were always happy to share. One would leave them on my desk with a cute note. Yep, I would eat them. Except once. One time, I just didn't. YEA ME!

So you see even my one weakness, once, I was able to resist. So this week was success in the eating department. Actually, except for the Oreos I did extremely well. I ate fruit, veggies, and soups. I chose good foods. I came home and cooked good dinners and ate just what I needed to feel satisfied.

In the exercise department, I was about 30% successful. I know not very good but some is better than none.

In the being me department...going well, I think. You know what I have felt this week? Heavenly Father really likes who I am. So why don't I? My hair is slowing growing out and isn't bothering nearly as much as I thought it would. I even think I might be a pretty hot little grey haired lady. Yep, I said HOT...

Oh, my third goal...Money. . My first paycheck I put the required amount I had figured into a new savings account. It didn't leave me with much and I thought often that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to survive on what was left, especially since this week I spent most of what was left on things for Jen for school.

So, I leave it in the Lord's hand. If He wants me to do this, I know He will help me find a way. I can't right now see how my goal will possibly be achieved but that doesn't matter. My job is to have faith, do what I can, and leave the rest to Him.

So we will see.

Until next week.

What is different here?

These are my girls' rooms. Each is different in color, each is unique according to each girls' personality. They are also the same in many ways. They are both a little (ok sometimes a lot) messy. They are both filled with memories and love.

The the biggest difference? Can you see it? One doesn't have someone in it. Jennifer is back to school. Her room seems empty without her.

Lucky for us, Elizabeth has a few years left at home with Mom and Dad.

Today things are so different. We really miss are children when they leave home. We are happy for them and glad they are growing up...but miss them terribly when they leave...

So today, I am a little sad... I miss my Jen.

A Third goal!

Last night at the Stake Fireside another goal came to my mind. Save for a mission. As I watched the video prepared by the Church I felt an overwhelming desire to go out into the world and serve (mission). The reality of the possibility was realized was I began to think, "in five years Lizzy (my baby) will be graduated and going to college. We could go on a mission soon after...But money.

So I calculated out about how much we would need to survive and how much I would have to put away each month starting this month. And new goal came to be...have enough money saved to serve a mission in 6 years (one year to take care of Lizzy her first year...).

Wish me luck...

Welcome 2010

Welcome 2010!

I think this year is going to be a great one...why you ask? well, It has been a long struggle for me in the past and this year...I actually feel like I am letting go of a few things and now I can set new goals. Have new interests and accomplish things I hadn't been able to accomplish all that well because I have been so consumed emotionally with other things.

This year I begin the year with little baggage. YEA ME!

So...goals.

1. I really need to lose 10 pounds. I know that even though my doctor tells me I am perfect according to his charts and I am by no means overweight...I have issues that affect my life and I want to take care of them. These issues include...bad knees, bad hips, and my overall feeling.

I don't feel that well. My knees hurt often and my hip goes out of place often. The other day I tool my girls to see a movie and after 2 1.2 hours of sitting I struggled to get up and walk. So, ten pounds and a lot of toning is my first goal. I started off with a cleanse and will go from there. I will keep you informed of how I am doing. I would like to be 10 pounds free and tone by my anniversary...February 14th!.

2. Be me! I have spent so much of my life trying so hard to please others...I worked hard to overcome a lot of baggage in my day and now that I feel free of it...I want to just be me. Honestly I think I am a pretty great person. I just fear getting hurt. No more. I want to be me! Wish me luck (oh this is going to include not coloring my hair anymore...that should be interesting but I take courage from Dawn Jones...she is my inspiration..thanks Dawn)

Well that's it. really for now... I mean there are the goals we always have of reading the scriptures everyday...but that isn't a new goal for me...it is an on going one. I will keep it.

Well, Happy New year to all of you. Read on. I have many weaknesses, especially in the losing weight category (cashew nuts, candied almonds, medium rare steak, homemade french fries, oreos, fresh strawberry shakes...Oh the list goes on *I love food) and I don't plan on giving up all of my weaknesses, just being more careful about the serving sizes and how often I consume them.

Stay tuned...