This is my new symbol for how I feel about mother's day. Good and bad. I hate to say bad, but there is a part of me that feels a bit bad about mother's day. Can one ever be perfect as a mother? We start off thinking we know exactly how we want to be. I remember many things I was going to do as a mother and many things I was never going to do. How did I do? It seemed that I made mistake after mistake, I learned from each mistake but seemed to just start to really figure things out and understand how to be a good mother as my children were almost grown. And now I need to learn how to be a mother to grown children...something that is different than before. Motherhood is always changing.
My husband taught the relief society lesson on Sunday, about Mothers. He said something that really touched me. He said, "my mother was the perfect mother for me".
It occurred to me that too often we mother's compare ourselves to other mothers. Those mothers have different children with different personalities and needs. We spend too much time trying to be like mothers of someone else's children instead of focusing on being a mother of our own children. A different kind of mother for each individual child.
I worried often as my children were small about keeping my children safe. It seemed I was nervous something might happen and I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to survive the death of a child. All the care I took to watch over my children did little when my son became sick and there was nothing I could do to prevent the death that would soon come. I spent some time looking and searching for the one thing I could do to help him be better, but never found it. For a while after his death I blamed myself. But then I learned...I need to change my focus a little. Keep them safe, but enjoy the moments more. You just never know when those moments will be over. I am glad I learned this a little before he passed and often took him on walks instead of cleaning the house or doing other things that didn't involve him.
My husband's mother is someone I admire greatly. I do not admire her because her home is always clean and well decorated (it isn't- in fact her home is old and falling apart). I do not admire her because her children have all turned out perfect and wonderful members of the church (they haven't - in fact maybe half of her 10 children are active in the church today). I admire my mother in law because of her capacity to love unconditionally. She is the most forgiving and understanding woman I know. She never remembers the hard things that her children did, she remembers how wonderful they are. When we have family gatherings, there is no judgment, no uncomfortable feelings, no memories of hurt or pain that might have been caused. She never shares memories of anything that wasn't positive. She is genuine in her love for each of them. I believe she was sent the wonderful spirits she was because she was one who would be able to teach them about Christ like love by example...A love that is unconditional and forever.
So, ladies out there. Look at your children. Pray to be the mother they need and not the mother your neighbor's children need. Pray to make the choices for them each day and not the choices your friends might make. Also remember to not judge those who are making choices different than the ones you are making. Their children may need something completely different. Pray to be able to be a different kind of mother to each of your children. They are not the same and therefore may need different things.
Be the perfect mother for your children, one who is willing to make mistakes, for what better way to teach your children about repentance and forgiveness than if they see you repenting and forgiving. Your children will love you, because you are what they need.
Happy Mother's day to all.
